Visions

Sitting in this room, all my books in place, all my photocopied articles within arm's reach, the printer nestled on the trestle beneath the desk, my thoughts clear, calm, interested, alive. Connections buzzing. The rest of my thesis slotting together like lego, like a fantastic castle.

Cycling past the long lake that flashes between the birch trees in the strong evening light. Cycling fast, feeling the smoothness of the road between my hands, the air in my throat.

Standing at the top of the fortress, at the top of the world.

Stretching out on the futon in the lounge, watching dvds on the projector screen. Not wanting to be anywhere else.

Hold onto these thoughts.

Any sort of leaving is hard. The objects imprinted with use. The small fragments of kindness I can't bear to let go of. Everything in chaos. My parents are leaving in a couple of days and I've been too stressed to even spend proper time with them this week. My Nanna unwell, and too far away. But... Lists. Lables. Strong tape. An itinerary including the last detail so I don't even need to think any more.

And... Moments of grace. Phone conversations with my brother and my cousin. And yesterday, coffee with a girl I hardly knew but we suddenly realised our worlds touched. Unplanned, unforced connections. Quiet, and alive.

Hold onto these thoughts.